To know or not to know

My friend Baal Habos's tagline, "Ignorance is bliss" got me thinking recently, as it has in the past. I have never quite been able to work out the answer to this question: If I could go back in time and prevent myself from becoming a skeptic (stopping myself from reading certain books, for example), would I do it?

Earlier on in this process, I would have done anything to go back to how I was. There's so much security in religion, and casting oneself adrift is frightening. And I guess I still had the niggling feelings that OJ could still be correct.

When I asked TO this question a while ago, his answer was instant: he'd rather know the truth, even though it's harder. At the time I didn't agree with him, but I think I have finally arrived at that point. I'm pretty sure that the more I read (about documentary hypothesis, comparative religion, or even traditional Jewish sources), the surer I'll be that I've gone down the right path.

The future is a little more uncertain than it was, but I've dropped so much guilt. I am optimistic that we'll find a place (theologically as well as physically). That we'll strike a balance between freedom of thought and cherishing our heritage.

In retrospect, I look down on the old me, just a little. She prided herself on her analytical skills, but she never put it all together. And now all the pieces are in place, I wouldn't have it any other way. Ignorance might be bliss, but knowledge is real.