Parsha In brief: Shlach

Hello everybody,
Due to the constraints of modern life, and the fact that we live among the many perversions of western society, many of us do not have the time to learn as much Torah as we should as we are busy pursuing materialistic things. To try and help you, and hasten the coming of Moshiach Tizdkenu Bimhera Beyamenu, I am providing what i hope will be the first in a series of brief parsha summaries - with all the boring stuff taken out.

This week: Shlach

Spies: We will never be able to successfully enter the land of Canaan
Jews: OMG! God has brought us here to kill us in the desert. We were better off in Egypt. Let us try and kill Moses & Aaron.
God: OK, now I am going to kill you all in the desert.
Jews: OK, we are contrite and have learnt our lesson. We are now ready and willing to enter the land and fight, which is what you originally wanted anyway.
God: Yes, but now its half a day too late. So instead, even though you have gotten the message , I will kill you all in the desert - due to my delicious sense of irony, you will wander 1 year for every 1 day the spies spent in Canaan.
Jews: Yesterday when we suspected that God had brought us here to die in the desert we rioted, now that we have been assured that our entire generation is going to die in the desert, we are kind of OK with it.
Joshua & Caleb: Sweeeeeet.

Meanwhile, in a secret location, somewhere in the desert:

God: I have had it up to here with these people. How about I get rid of them and make you a great nation?
Moses: Have you considered what that will do for your image? I mean, do you want the Egyptians to think you are a sissy?
God: Good point. I hadn't thought of that angle. Fortunately, even though I am omnipotent and all knowing, and no human is capable of possible comprehending my thoughts, you have managed to talk sense into me once again.