Kids change everything

For me, skepticism coincided with having my first child. I never gave this much thought in the past. Not that I thought of it as a coincidence; I just didn't think about it at all. Looking back, however, I can see that impending parenthood definitely affected my journey into skepticism.

As a single or even when married and childless, it's easy to just go with the flow. Once you have kids, though, things can get complicated. Suddenly, there's a person whose safety and wellbeing you're responsible for. You love her, it seems, more than anything else in the world. And, depending on your background and your outlook, you may also be responsible for her "spiritual growth". If she "goes off the derech", it's your fault for not being strict enough/being too strict/ having a TV/ etc. And woe betide you if her sexual preferences are outside the mainstream.

As a parent, when your child bakes out of the cookie cutter mould, essentially you have two choices: accept her for who she is, or disown her. It all comes down to what comes first for you, religion or your children.

Our daughter is a little young for rebellion (apart from not wanting to sleep when we want her to) but given that we planned to have her, we had the discussion beforehand. What would we do if she married out or came out? Once I was pregnant, my vague Khalil Gibran-esque ideas about parenthood crystallized and I knew my own answers: my children would always come before my religion.

I think that many religious parents make this choice and it doesn't automatically lead to skepticism. But it certain circumstances, it can pave the way. Because once you've made that choice and put God second, you've already made a pretty big statement, whether you meant to or not. Once God's not first on the list, it's easier for him to tumble further down the ladder. And that's what happened for me.