One year on

Hi to anyone who is still reading (or still has us in RSS)!

I know most of you are wishing that TO would write a new edition of his parsha commentary, but in the meantime you'll have to settle with me. It's been just over a year since I started this blog and I figured it was time to reflect a little. I've come a long way since then. When I look at my old posts, it seems to me like I was clutching at straws, desperately trying to hold onto my belief that Judaism was right. In the scheme of things, it didn't take long for me to make the move to atheism. But when I think about it, in some ways I was always in that camp anyway...

So often I would end up in a conversation and find myself on the non-believers' side. I like to think that part of me knew all along that science has a lot more going for it than religion. I compartmentalized, certainly, and never really thought about whether the Jewish creation myth really happened, but doing a biology major definitely convinced me that evolution did.

I credit my parents for bringing me up, or allowing me to develop, an open mind. I never fooled myself into thinking that secular Jews were secular because they were evil. I always understood that if a Jew doesn't practice, it's because they don't believe, not because they're lazy or rebelling against God. And I never held that against them. I guess it was tinok shenishba extended a little more liberally than usual.

While I accepted Judaism as a whole, the Jewish values that were most important to me still are now. I have always been liberal and I guess I interpreted concepts in Judaism to suit: in Judaism I saw (and still see) social justice, honesty, environmentalism, and others.

I still don't know if I'll stay connected to Judaism at all. Part of me wants to draw out the good and keep a hold of it. The other part wants to leave it all behind. In some way, it hurts too much to stay in it. But I don't feel like I need to plan for that. We are gradually moving away in any case and can just see where we end up (literally and figuratively). Whatever feels right.